Sunday, 15 May 2011

please read, you may have the guidance i seek

i am lost 

I have a mind that sees all the possibilities of what i could do with my life and i Dont know which path to travel down

Im thinking i need to just take the first step in any direction but my situation is that i keep thinking about big next steps so i can never decide on anything for to long because i see other possibilities.

my thinking goes from the realization of space to the workings of people minds to the real world struggles we all face to the crimes against humanity that we all sit back and watch

I Dont know whether this urge is to do something meaningful or to find out about myself

i dont know myself anymore for i do not know what i want 

I feel i have tremendous potential in whatever i see to pursue

I am currently enrolled in a paramedic degree which when i was younger felt like the closest thing i could do to satisfy my life ambitions and needs of doing more then just the average job and something with meaning

Now its not enough to keep me content, sometimes i feel i want to join the army as a combat medic .
sometimes i want to gather up the bare essentials and step out my door on a journey of self discovery
sometimes i want to begin down a path that leads me to ridding the world of evil such as the sex trade and i formulate plans along the lines of joining the army then federal police and other organisations to peruse my endeavorer on my own after gaining all the skills i need. 

i also have this ability, which i have to keep telling myself is false for risk of seeming crazy to all those around me, to see an intent behind everything everyone says to me. Every reply or convosation they make has an edge or direction to it that they do not want anyone to see. Like when a person laughs at someones joke to cover up that they dont know anythign about what they seid but laugh anyway.

im also finding it harder and harder to communicate becouse i am unable to imply the right altereir motive to what it is im saying so i dont get misunderstood.

No one understands me so i am writting this to try and branch out ans get your thourghts on any part of my life becouse i do value peoples opinions and what people have decided for themselfs what they want to do with there life

I have a freind who is like none other who can see eye to eye with me about many things but im still unable to unfold myself compleatly.

This person and i have come up with something
we dont know exactly what to call it other then " the code of man"

"Every individual has the right to live there life as they see fit so long as it does not interfear with others doing the same"

rewording it is easy and applying it to politics and freedoms and human rights yields great debate

I write this on mine craft forums because it is a place i know will not have the obvious trolls and internet tag along

please if you have thought about any of these things yourself or even if you have not i ask you to think about them now and offer me your thoughts
in exchange for mine